


westward waters

by sunnymygal



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, Somewhat, Spicy, anyways i have brainrot so have this, because the Metaphors, completely set in the swt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:26:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26216359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnymygal/pseuds/sunnymygal
Summary: Sokka walks up behind him, and they turn to watch the ship they’d arrived in leave the harbor until it dipped under the horizon, out of sight. The sun has just begun to set, casting a warm glow across the harsh white of the snow. Sokka looks at him, but Zuko keeps on staring at the sea. He inhales deeply, letting the pure, sharp air clear his mind.“He can’t get to you here, you know.” Sokka’s voice is calm, soothing. Zuko closes his eyes, and some selfish part of him wishes the other boy would pull him into a hug, long and warm like Uncle’s. He gives a quiet hmm in affirmation. Sokka lets him feel the dying embers of the sun cast their light on his face.“You ready?” Sokka asks, gentle and patient. Zuko sighs and nods.“Yeah.”The ice is cold, hard, and unforgiving. Well. Zuko’s used to that.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 91
Kudos: 370
Collections: zukkanet event 01: song lyrics





	westward waters

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! i have brainrot <3 
> 
> this fic came to me when i was at my friend's house and i frantically wrote it down because it was my first coherent thought in days. then, i came home and stared at an empty google doc for fifteen minutes. and then, i listened to alaska by maggie rogers and took advantage of the sprint channel in the atla bb server to not work on my atla bb fic and instead work on this. enjoy!
> 
> thanks to the lovely zukkanet people for keeping me motivated to write this, y'all are amazing <3
> 
> HUGE thanks to sash, lita, and eliza for betaing this, you guys helped it be so much better and i love u guys!! <3

_ I was walking _

_ Through icy streams that _

_ Took my breath away _

_ Moving slowly  _

_ Through westward water _

_ Over glacial plains _

_ And I walked off you _

_ And I walked off an old me. _

_ -alaska, maggie rogers _

Zuko walks onto ice and promptly slips onto his behind. Sokka cackles behind him. It’s a great start to what's supposed to be a healing, cleansing vacation. 

His friends had spared no expense in telling him how fucked up it was for him to be leading a nation at sixteen years old. He’d agreed, but it wasn’t like there were any other options. Uncle wouldn’t be trusted by the people, seeing as he was kind of a war criminal, but appointing a regent would be risky at best. So, Zuko took the throne. Sure, everyone had given him a pitying look and tried to get him to have a regent, but. It is what it is. 

He spots Katara waving at him from across the ice. Zuko smiles, excited to catch up with her. Sure, they’d written to each other constantly, but it wasn't the same as actually sitting down to talk with her. 

Sokka walks up behind him, and they turn to watch the ship they’d arrived in leave the harbor until it dipped under the horizon, out of sight. The sun has just begun to set, casting a warm glow across the harsh white of the snow. Sokka looks at him, but Zuko keeps on staring at the sea. He inhales deeply, letting the pure, sharp air clear his mind. 

“He can’t get to you here, you know.” Sokka’s voice is calm, soothing. Zuko closes his eyes, and some selfish part of him wishes the other boy would pull him into a hug, long and warm like Uncle’s. He gives a quiet  _ hmm  _ in affirmation. Sokka lets him feel the dying embers of the sun cast their light on his face. 

“You ready?” Sokka asks, gentle and patient. Zuko sighs and nods. 

“Yeah.”

The ice is cold, hard, and unforgiving. Well. Zuko’s used to that. 

Their cover story is that Zuko needs to smoothen things out with the Southern Water Tribe. It’s believable enough; there’s much history between the two nations. Instead, he’s participating in a village-wide snowball fight that’s been going on for almost half an hour. 

Zuko yelps as freezing snow slides down his neck. His firebender self is already foreign to the cold, and getting pummeled by a bunch of pre-teens isn’t helping. He darts around, packed ice in hand, ready to get back at his attacker, but a giggling boy looking to be about twelve years old is his culprit. The boy’s eyes go wide and he grins at Zuko, turning to run away. Zuko raises his arms, ready to throw, but another snowball whizzes past him. 

__ "S NEAK ATTACK!!”

Zuko knows exactly who it is before he turns- only Sokka would announce his “sneak attack” like that. He also knows a barrage of snowballs is headed his way, so he sprints through the village, weaving his way through houses and bonfires. He hasn’t had this much fun in- well, ever. Sokka’s laughter behind him is contagious, and Zuko laughs as he runs behind a hut. He pants heavily, trying to catch his breath. 

The sun is high in the sky, although it does nothing to relieve him from the cold. He recalls a temperature regulating technique uncle taught him, taking a deep but silent breath and exhaling slowly. He feels himself warming up, slowly but surely; it starts from his toes and come up, up up all the way across his body. It’s symbolic, Zuko thinks, the way the heat comes only when he focuses his mind and body into the calmest he’s been in weeks. 

The calm, however, ends abruptly when Sokka pounces on him and pins him to the ground. One arm is braced on Zuko’s chest, the other holding a snowball aimed right to his face. “Gotcha,” Sokka says, triumphant, but Zuko’s only focused on the way the other boy’s hair can almost tickle his own cheek and the giant grin stretched out on his face. Zuko can see himself in Sokka’s eyes, face flushed and eyes sparkling. He looks happy. He  _ feels  _ happy. 

“You good, dude?” Zuko blinks, disoriented. 

“Yeah.” He smiles up at Sokka. “Yeah, I’m. I’m good.” 

“Cool.” Sokka rolls off him to lie on his back next to Zuko. They study the vast, blue sky and the stark white of the clouds drifting across it. Something in the back of Zuko’s mind snarks at him for how cliche this is, but he can’t bring himself to care. For the first time in years, he feels free. 

“Hey, that one looks kind of like Ozai.” Sokka points a little to their right. 

“It looks like a pile of shit, Sokka.”

“What’s the difference?” Zuko rolls his eyes and smiles. Sokka’s spared no expense in dunking on his dad, but it's not like he minds. They both know the whole reason Zuko agreed to come all the way to the South Pole was to get away from the Fire Nation. 

Well. More accurately, his home. 

His advisors told him it was a weak political move, running away so soon after claiming the throne. Katara and Sokka had promptly turned their gazes on said advisor, and if both their hands had drifted towards their respective weapons, then, it was none of Zuko’s business. 

It wasn’t just the pressure of ruling a nation that got under his skin. It was the constant reminder of Ozai, the memories of his mother, the scorch marks in the courtyard from his fight with Azula. Every waking moment was consumed by his past- the turtleduck pond was tainted by the ghost of his mother. The throne room was stained by the image of his father high up on the dias. Nowhere was safe. 

But here, lying in cold snow that seeps through his coat and into his skin, Zuko feels peace. 

  
  


Sokka walks with him out to the harbor. Katara and Hakoda and Bato all said their goodbyes at the edge of the village, but Sokka had slung an arm over his shoulder and announced that he would be seeing Zuko to the ship. 

The ice is as unyielding as ever, the glare from the sun making Zuko squint and raise his hand to block the light. Sokka takes pity on him, and they quickly walk to the shade of the giant ship that’s here to deliver Zuko back to the Fire Nation. It’s slightly awkward, as Sokka’s just looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face and Zuko’s shifting from foot to foot, looking for something to say. He’s always hated goodbyes. 

Finally, Sokka gives him a nice enough smile and pulls him into a hug. It’s over in a couple of seconds, but Zuko finds himself missing Sokka’s warmth as he pulls away. 

“See you later, Sifu Hotman!”

“For the last time. That’s not real Fire Nation slang.” Sokka just laughs and tries to pat his head. “And just because you’re taller than me doesn’t mean you can do that.” Zuko pretends to be annoyed, but these moments of casual lightheartedness keep him sane when he knows he won’t see his friends for another three months. Being the Firelord is a demanding job. 

“Yeah, well, maybe I just like getting a rise out of you.” Zuko scoffs and bats away Sokka’s hands that linger on his shoulders. Undeterred, Sokka just flicks his forehead and laughs. “Anyway, good luck in the Fire Nation, try not to die of heat, consider Toph’s offer of taking the Firelord position for a day, consider giving up the Firelord position altogether, yeah. I’ll miss you, jerkbender.”

Zuko’s heard this spiel a dozen times, and variations of it from the rest of his friends. Mai had looked at him dead in the eye and told him he was making a mistake by claiming the throne, but what was he supposed to do? A regent wouldn’t be trusted, Ozai’s influence was everywhere. Iroh was technically a war criminal, so the people wouldn’t be too keen on him as their leader. So really, the only option was for Zuko to become Firelord. 

_ Now if only everyone else could just deal with this,  _ Zuko thinks as Sokka gets increasingly agitated while listing all the things Zuko will miss because he’s “too busy arguing with old men with no morals.” He’s not wrong, but no matter how many times he brings it up Zuko will just brush him off with a shrug and a smile and hope that maybe one day, things will get easier. 

But for now, he walks up the long plank to the ship and tries not to turn around. 

  
  


Zuko visited his father once. 

Once, after his coronation, to ask where in Agni’s name his mother ran after his grandfather died. He’d made sure he sounded as authoritative and threatening as could, thinking that maybe prison had humbled Ozai. 

Instead, his father had laughed in his face. 

_ Spirits know where she is now. Ursa never told me where she was going.  _ Ozai had leaned against the wall in his cell, eyes closed. He’d looked infuriatingly casual, and it had taken every ounce of self control in Zuko’s body to avoid burning his father to a crisp right then and there.  _ You’ll never find her. Ursa was nothing if not stubborn, and it’s clear she doesn’t want to be found.  _

That day, Zuko had vowed to find his mother. One way or another. Zuko was  _ also  _ stubborn. 

He replays the scene in his mind as waits for Sokka to finish setting up their supplies. Zuko’s back in the Southern Water Tribe for the week- this time under the pretense of attending Hakoda and Bato’s wedding. It’s not a lie, per say, but the wedding is only a day long and a simple ceremony at that. Both Hakoda and Bato didn’t want anything fancy, just a small gathering of friends and family to share their joy with. It was a sweet, touching occasion, one Zuko will remember for the rest of his life. 

Now, Sokka lugs blankets and food into a canoe for their “second life changing field trip, but centered around Zuko this time.” At least, that's what Sokka had said to his sister when she raised an eyebrow at the way Sokka had literally dragged Zuko out of his room and across the ice. 

Again. Zuko is stubborn. But Sokka was determined, okay? 

He’d been told only the barest details about their “field trip,” only knowing that they’d get home late in the night. Zuko’s puzzled, but he trusts Sokka enough to not be too wary of what they’re going to do. 

“Alright, that’s the last of it!” Sokka’s voice rings out against the faint noise of the village in the distance. He clambers on to the canoe, plopping down next to Zuko and immediately taking out seal jerky to chew on, the way he does whenever he has nothing else to do. 

“Mind telling me where in Agni’s name we’re even going,” Zuko asks, confused and now slightly irritated. Sokka  _ knows  _ how he is about not being kept in the loop—spirits, the last time he didn’t know the plan, he’d ended up attacking Aang. 

“It’s a surprise, Zuko,” replies Sokka with a roll of his eyes. “I’m not supposed to tell you, or else it won’t be as cool once you see it.”  _ Ah, so he’s going to show me something. Now we’re getting somewhere.  _

“Yes, but can’t I at least know where I’m going to see it?” 

“Nice try. Nope, I’m not gonna spill anything.” Sokka gives him his signature grin and settles back in the canoe. Zuko sighs and settles for watching the sun dip below the horizon. It casts a beautiful pink and orange glow across the glaciers. For once, the cold doesn’t seem so bad. In fact, the pure air almost feels cleansing. There’s no heat to remind him of home, no flames too close to his face, just the vast expanse of ice going on for miles all around them. 

Zuko decides he quite likes the South Pole. 

The sun has long set, the stars winking into existence one by one. They’re still floating along in the canoe, Sokka gently steering them along. Neither of them have spoken for almost the entire trip, just reveling in the quiet peace of the dusk. They arrive at a particularly large ice floe, one that looks like the bottom of a sphere. Zuko squints, trying to understand how it formed like that. 

“It’s not naturally occurring,” Sokka says, amused. “This is where we found Aang.” Zuko whips his head around to look at him. Sokka gazes at the ice with something like nostalgia- a lot has happened since the last airbender was found. Sokka stands up and throws their blankets and food into the center of the ice. He jumps off the canoe and slides across the ice with glee, then turns around with a blinding grin and places his hands on his hips. “Surprise! We’re stargazing.” 

“Stargazing. In the South Pole. At night. Sokka, what makes you think I’m not going to freeze to death?”

“Well, I’ll be here to cuddle you, of course.” Zuko knows he’s joking, but it still makes his stomach erupt with butterflies. 

“Fine, but still. Couldn’t we have stargazed closer to the village? Somewhere we could have a fire without melting the thing we’re floating on?” 

“Come on, Zuko. This is part of the aesthetic.”

“What aesthetic. We’re in the middle of the ocean.” 

“Yeah! The ocean aesthetic!” Zuko wants to be annoyed, but Sokka’s gleeful smile makes the corners of his mouth turn up as well. He sighs and stands up, letting Sokka hold his hands as he steps onto the ice. 

“Okay, what do you want me to-  _ Sokka!”  _ He flails his hands, trying not to topple over as he glides across the ice. He should have known there was a reason they didn’t wear their usual shoes with the hard grip on the bottom that kept them from slipping. Sokka had pushed him with all the force he had the second Zuko got onto the ice. He cackles at the less-than-dignified squawk Zuko makes as he scrabbles at the ice so he doesn't fall into the water. “Really?” 

Sokka snorts. “You should have seen your  _ face.  _ Spirits, if only Katara was here. She’d make fun of you for ages.”

“Please. Katara is my best friend, she’d never do such a thing.” Sokka clutches his chest in mock sadness. 

“Wow. That really hurts, Zuko. I take you out stargazing and you call my sister your best friend? I am shocked and appalled. Consider our friendship terminated.”

“And yet, you’re still setting up our bedrolls.”

“Details, details.” Zuko shakes his head, but he’s smiling. Sokka pats the space next to him and Zuko lies down and stares at the sky. The village lights are still on, so the stars aren’t completely visible yet. Sokka’s rambling on about some new infrastructure, and Zuko feels himself drift off into sleep to the sound of his voice. Sokka turns to him and chuckles softly. “It’s ok, man. You can rest for a bit. I’ll wake you up when it’s time.” Zuko’s too tired to bully him into saying what exactly it’ll be time for, so he just closes his eyes and feels the cold air settle around him and sleeps. 

Zuko dreams of bright smiles and brown skin and tall glaciers cutting through mountains. 

He’s roused by Sokka what seems like minutes later. Zuko rubs his eyes and blinks up at the other boy. “Welcome back to the land of the living. Come on, eat something. We’ll be out here for a while.” Sokka stands up and makes sure the canoe hasn’t drifted off, then comes back to nudge at Zuko with his foot. He groans and sits up, accepting the pouch of food Sokka gives him. Zuko stands to stretch, reaching up with his arms and tilting his head and-  _ oh.  _

The stars are  _ magnificent.  _ There’s hundreds,  _ thousands  _ in just the space of Zuko’s hands alone, and he stares, transfixed at the sheer beauty that is the sky right now. It feels like a homecoming, a blessing from the spirits above. 

“Agni, Sokka, are you seeing this?” He looks at Sokka, wide eyed and shocked. Sokka laughs at his expression. 

“Zuko. You forget that I see this literally every day.” Zuko scoffs. 

“So? Spirits, how could you get tired of this? Look at them!” Zuko lies down again on his bedroll, ready to look at the sky forever. “They’re so beautiful, Sokka. And- and there’s so many! Oh, look, look, those over there look like Appa if you squint.” Sokka lies down next to him, still chuckling at his fascination. “Shut up, Sokka, let me have this. Good gods, how is this real?” 

Sokka turns his head to look at him, but Zuko keeps on gazing at the sky. He feels overwhelmed and whole all at once, like he’ll never fully experience the stars.  _ Gods, there are just so many.  _ Zuko begins to laugh with glee; at this, at being here with Sokka, at just being able to see the wonder above him. “Damn, if you’re like this with just the stars, I can’t wait to see your face when it’s here.”

Zuko finally turns to Sokka, ready to snap at him and  _ will you just tell me already  _ but he’s shocked still by how close they are. Zuko can see the individual flecks in Sokka’s eyes, can see the brilliant light of the stars reflected in inky black. Both of them stay still, trapped in a trance neither of them want to break. Then, soft as fresh fallen snow, Sokka presses his lips to the skin under Zuko’s scar. 

The sky bursts into color, and Zuko’s skin sets ablaze. 

Beautiful green and pink and red lights stretch across the vast darkness, but Zuko watches it in Sokka’s eyes and thinks it’s the greatest view in the world. Sokka’s hands come to cup his neck, and he gives a sharp, soft inhale at the gentle touch. It’s a promise, a vow, a testament to the spirits that dance above them. 

Sokka smiles at him, warm and content. Zuko feels himself blush deep red, but he’s happy. It’s nice, not having to worry. 

Zuko leaves the next morning, all smiles and giddiness. Katara looks at him knowingly and pulls him into a tight, firm hug. He relaxes in her hold, wrapping his arms around her middle. Their friendship has blossomed since the war ended, and he knows he’ll miss her as much as Sokka when he’s back home. 

Well. The Fire Nation is feeling less and less like home with every visit to the Southern Water Tribe. 

It’s not that he’s uncomfortable there, it's just. Home is supposed to be a safe and secure place you don’t dread returning to. Caldera City is certainly not safe or secure, with Ozai-supporting assassins running all over the city. And he definitely dreads the trip back. Zuko always stands at the back of the boat when he leaves, watching the glacier get smaller with every second that passes. He stays there, feeling the cold air whip his hair around, pretending it’s Sokka playing with it. When the ice finally is out of sight, something twists in Zuko’s chest. Something uncomfortably close to longing. 

He tells himself he just misses being with his friends. It’s a nice enough lie. 

So here’s the thing - Zuko knows Sokka likes him. As more than a friend. And Zuko knows he likes Sokka. As more than a friend. The next logical move is to ask Sokka to be with him, romantically This is all very well and good in theory- however, Zuko is the Firelord. So any relationships would be scrutinized and picked apart by the Council and most likely looked down upon if they weren’t able to produce an heir. The Council won’t let up about that, either. Zuko’s only nineteen, but every day another court official asks him when he plans on producing an heir. It’s all very detached; but, Zuko knows his duty to his people. 

But he has a duty to his heart, too, doesn’t he? And for all the things he’s been through, Zuko deserves to be with who he wants. He deserves to be with the boy he loves. 

_ Oh.  _

Zuko watches Sokka calm down a lost young girl, separated from her mothers. He’s gently with her, wiping away her tears and reassuring her that it’ll be alright. It’s doing things to Zuko’s heart- he imagines Sokka with their child, Sokka teaching them how to swim, going ice dodging, singing them lullabies. Sokka looks up at Zuko, beckoning him to come closer. 

“Hey, kiddo, this is my friend Zuko,” Sokka says. Then, his voice takes on a dramatically hushed tone and he leans closer to the girl. “And don’t tell anyone, but he’s the Firelord.” The girl gasps, eyes going wide and mouth forming a small “o.” She waves at him, excitement brightening her expression and tears forgotten in favor of marveling at him. 

“You’re the Firelord?” The girl begins to circle him, feeling his robes and tracing the gold seam. He’s foregone his crown in favor of letting his hair fall around his shoulders today. Sokka had greeted him in the morning with a smile and a hand combed through the silky black locks.  _ You’re pretty with your hair down,  _ he’d said, smirking. 

Zuko had ignored the flutter in his chest and crossed his arms.  _ Do I not always look pretty?  _

Sokka had thrown his head back and laughed at that.  _ Please, firelight. You’re gorgeous. _

If Zuko had blushed red enough to rival the dark maroon of his robes, well, it’s nobody’s business but his. 

Now, the girl (Amka) reaches up at him with her hands. Zuko recognizes this move from when Azula was young- she wants to be picked up. He can hear his father in the back of his mind, saying,  _ don’t hold her. She’ll grow dependent on it, like you are with your mother.  _ Well. Ozai’s not here now and frankly, his advice is a load of shit. 

Zuko lifts Amka and settles her on his hip the way he’s seen his mother do with Azula dozens of times. She immediately sticks her hands to his cheeks, giggling at the shock on his face from the cold. “Come one, firebender, can’t you warm yourself up?” Sokka’s voice is laced with mirth, his hands on his hips and eyes shining. Zuko looks to Amka, winks, and closes his eyes. He feels the familiar warmth that forever lives in his core, and focuses on spreading it through his body. He concentrates the heat to run through his veins, up through his arms and right on his cheeks where Amka giggles and then tucks her face into his neck to seek refuge from the biting cold. 

“How are you so warm-”

“Don’t you dare say it-”

“Sifu Hotman?” Zuko groans, more out of dramatics than anything. Amka grins at the distress she’s caused. “Sokka taught me that.” Zuko squints at Sokka, who’s suddenly very interested in the street vendor’s wares. 

“Did he now,” Zuko says. Amka wiggles in his grasp and he puts her down. A woman looking to be a couple years older than him runs over to them, apologies falling out of her mouth but Zuko just waves her off with a smile. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, just one minute I was looking at beadwork and the next she’s gone. I really need to keep better track of her but every since my wife went to sea it’s just been so crazy-” 

“Please, it was my pleasure. Amka’s a joy to be with.” Zuko smiles again, and the woman seems to calm down somewhat. Sokka throws an arm around Zuko and grins. 

“Yeah,” he says. “If you ever need someone to watch her, I’m your guy.” Sokka winks and gestures to himself with his thumbs. “Kids love me!” 

The woman laughs, put at ease by Sokka’s natural charm. She and Amka wave and are lost in the sea of people soon enough, and Zuko sighs. “So, what do you want to do now?” he says. Sokka slumps against him and Zuko wraps an arm around his waist to keep him steady. “Spirits, you’re certainly not light.” 

Sokka pushes him away in mock anger. “Fine, jerkbender, I guess we won’t go penguin sledding next time you’re over. Jerk.” 

Zuko just laughs, knowing Sokka will go back on that promise the minute his ship is back on Water Tribe shores. He steps forward, lacing his fingers with Sokka’s. “Come on. Let’s go home.” 

He doesn’t know when Sokka’s home became his. He doesn’t want to know. 

They lie on Sokka’s bedroll in Sokka’s room in Sokka’s house. Everything is Sokka, Sokka, Sokka but Zuko doesn’t want it any other way. He’s grown to love the cold, with all it’s wind whips and bone deep chills. It’s not like the oppressive heat of the Fire Nation, crushing him with the weight of his crown. Zuko turns to face Sokka and stares into his dark eyes and studies the sharpness of his cheekbones and the slant of his jaw and the faint stubble that marks his face. He reaches out to place his hand on deep brown skin and traces the white necklace that Sokka never takes off. Zuko’s reminded of the day they went out onto the ice floes and saw the stars. They haven’t done anything...suggestive since then, just cheek kisses and cuddling when they can. And as much as Zuko loves that they're taking it slow, he needs to know where they are. 

So, he asks. “Sokka,” he begins, taking a deep breath. “What are we?”

Sokka slips an arm over his hip and brings him close. “What do you mean,” he mumbles, sleep soft. 

Zuko swallows. “I mean, what are we? Are- are we together, or just friends, or-”

Sokka rolls over on top of him and buries his face in his neck. Zuko stares at the ceiling, knowing Sokka can feel the rapid stuttering of his heart. “What do you think?”

“Well- I mean- friends don’t. Friends don’t kiss each other on the cheeks, right?” Sokka smiles against his collarbone. 

“Don’t they? Are you assigning traits to platonic and romantic relationships? My my, Firelord, how terribly rude of you.” Zuko rolls his eyes and slaps him lightly. 

“You know what I mean. Like. Friends don’t do it the way we do.” 

This makes Sokka lift his head and look at him, which does absolutely nothing for his nerves. “What do you mean by that?” 

He clears his throat, averting his eyes and looking to the side. Sokka cups the side of his face with one hand and gently forces Zuko to look him in the eyes again. “What do you mean, Zuko. Tell me.”

Zuko’s brain is muddled, just a faint chant of  _ Sokka, Sokka, Sokka  _ over and over again. Everywhere he looks he’s surrounded by him. Zuko’s mind and body and soul all belong to Sokka and it’s the most freeing thing in the world. 

“I. I mean like. You kiss me differently. It’s soft, and, nice, and lo-”

Loving. He was about to say loving. Zuko stops himself, but with the way Sokka’s eyes widen and his lips part above him show that he knows exactly what Zuko’s not saying. He lies there, heart beating loud and fast, and prays to Agni, Tui, La, whatever spirits are out there and begs them to give him a blessing. 

“Zuko.  _ Zuko.”  _ He says it like a prayer, like a realization, like a soft breeze on a summer day. It’s too much and not enough and tears slip out of eyes, but Sokka’s there to whisper  _ you’re okay, we’re together  _ and to brush them off his cheeks. Zuko reaches up to wrap his hands around Sokka’s neck and bring their foreheads together. He thinks about court members and Firelord duties and says  _ fuck it  _ and takes a shuddering breath and says

“I want to love you. I want to feel your heartbeat under my palm at night and wake up to your stupid face and make you laugh and cry and I want to be yours.” 

Sokka stares at him, wide eyed and then he  _ laughs, the bastard,  _ but then he kisses him and for the second time this week Zuko’s skin is on fire. 

  
  


The day before he leaves, Katara and Sokka take him swimming. 

He’d told him about his rather impulsive plan to infiltrate the Northern Water Tribe, the way he’d seen the seals jump into a hole in the ice and immediately followed them. Katara smacked him upside the head and chided him for his stupidity, while Sokka just gaped at him. It wasn’t his finest moment. 

Then, Sokka had said that if he’d gotten out of diving in freezing water in the middle of winter alive, he could handle going with them. Katara had just given them both a long look and sighed, saying she’d go with them to make sure Zuko didn’t die.  _ For political purposes,  _ she’d said, but the way she bumped her shoulder with his said otherwise. They’d headed out after lunch, citing the afternoon as the best time to swim. 

Zuko stands on the edge of the ice floe, watching Sokka try to best Katara in a splash fight. They’d made a no bending rule, but even so Katara has a better feel for the water. Doesn’t stop Sokka from trying, though, and he makes a valiant effort before getting dunked by his sister. 

Zuko dips a toe in the water, fighting the urge to flinch back at the cold. Sokka swims to the edge of the ice and floats on his back, looking up at him. “Come on, Zuko,” he says, teasingly. “It’s not too bad. Unless you’re scared.” 

Zuko scowls down at him, crossing his arms. ‘I’m not scared. I’m just. It’s freezing in there.” Sokka chuckles at him. 

“You’re a firebender, can’t you like. Regulate your temperature, or something?”

“Well, yes, but it’s pretty damn hard in icy water.” Sokka rolls his eyes and tries to grab at his ankles, but Zuko’s prepared and darts back. “Sokka!” 

Sokka grins at him. “It was worth a shot.”

“It was rude, is what it was. Katara, tell him.” Katara just halfheartedly glares at her brother and goes back to practicing her forms. Zuko tests the water again, this time sitting on the edge of the edge and putting his legs in. Sokka slots himself between his limbs and snakes his arms around Zuko’s waist. The open affection still makes his head spin in the best way, and he drops a kiss on Sokka’s forehead. Katara winks at him and dives deep below the surface, probably heading back to the village. 

“Hi, hot stuff.” Zuko huffs out a small flame at the nickname. “Can’t believe i’m gonna have to wait another month to see you again.” He frowns at this, remembering the conversation with his court the day he left. His frequent escapes to the Southern Water Tribe attract unwanted attention from his advisors.  _ What will your people think? Their leader, gallivanting off to another nation every month. You have things to do, Zuko.  _ He’d told them, calmly and coldly, to fuck off. It had been phrased better than that, but the message came across clearly. Still, he saw the disapproving looks every time he left. 

Councilwoman Teruko had pulled him aside, whispering,  _ if you truly care for the state of your people, this will be your last trip this year. You have a job, Firelord Zuko. Do it.  _ She walked away with a swish of her robes, tall and elegant and everything Zuko wasn’t. He seethed, but knew she was right. 

And now, he knows he’s coming here for Sokka. Yes, part of it is escaping the pressure of his home, but it’s also to go on these little trips with him. To see the stars, and run around the market, and swim in freezing water. It’s small, mundane things, but they mean the entire world to Zuko’s heart. They’ve given him a view into Sokka’s heart and soul and Zuko cannot look away. 

So Zuko just smiles, sadly, and Sokka knows this is his last time coming for a while. “I’ll miss you, jerkbender.” Zuko chuckles, and turns serious. 

He stares into Sokka’s eyes. “Come with me, then.” 

Sokka looks away from him, and Zuko knows what he’s going to say. “You know I love you. So, so much.” He sighs, closing his eyes. “But i’ve spent so much time away from home. I’ve missed out on so much. And we’re all so  _ happy _ .” He smiles again, warmer than before. “There are babies being born, and weddings happening, and peace has changed us. We're happier people. Freer people. I want to see us go forward.” 

Zuko combs his fingers through smooth, dark hair, toying with the beading and pulling out the wolftail. He doesn’t trust himself to say anything just yet, so he just knocks their foreheads together and listens to the sound of the sea. 

Later, once they’ve reached the village, they sit around a fire with Sokka’s family. Hakoda and Bato are disgustingly in love, giving each other sappy looks and retreating to their rooms later in the evening. Zuko watches them share secret smiles, and aches for the comfort of knowing you share the same bed as the one you love. 

A blanket is dropped around his shoulders. He looks up to see Sokka grinning at him and returns it with a small quirk of his lips. Sokka sits down next to him and laces their fingers together. “You okay?” Sokka asks. “You’ve been quiet since we got back.” 

Zuko gives his hand a squeeze. “I’m okay. Just, thinking.” Sokka nods, and as if sensing his need to [] he strikes up a conversation with Katara about her waterbending teaching. Zuko stares into the fire, contemplating whether to stay with Sokka and see how long distance will go, or to break it off completely. Both options terrify him. 

He knows he should probably talk to Sokka about it, but how is he supposed to bring it up?  _ Hey, Sokka, so I know my nation committed mass genocide against your people, but I’m a selfish bitch and want you to live with me. _

“I mean, at least you’re being honest,” murmurs a voice from beside him. Zuko whips his head around and sees Kanna smirking, amused. His eyes grow wide and he beings to stammer out an apology, afraid of angering her. “Calm down, child. It’s okay. You think you are the only one who has these thoughts?” She pats his shoulder. “You are not selfish for wanting to be with him. And you know he must stay here, in his home, don’t you?”

Zuko sighs and looks down. “Yes,” he says, “but that doesn’t make it any easier.” 

Kanna chuckles. “No, child, it doesn’t. But you know having a conversation with him will ease the pain.” He nods, grateful for the push in the right direction. “And also,” Kanna’s voice takes on a mischievous tone. “You think you’re the only one after my grandson? Pin him down soon, or else he’ll be gone forever.” Zuko gapes at her, and she cackles loud and elated. Sokka gives him a confused look, but Zuko just blushes crimson red and shakes his head. It’s a story for another day. 

They wake up bright and early the day Zuko has to leave. 

It’s still dark outside, and the cold is exceptionally harsh. Zuko begs Sokka to stay inside, but he just shakes his head and tugs him outside. They’re bundled up in furs, and it’s almost comical how Zuko has to waddle to move around. Sokka leads him to the edge of the village, out near where they go penguin sledding. The abandoned Fire Nation ship is within view, it’s presence a black stain on the snow. 

Zuko wonders if that is what he is with Sokka; a stain on his purity. He comes with his fair share of issues, trauma over his father and countless other things. He watches Sokka sit down, cross legged in the snow and motion for Zuko to do the same. They sit, face to face, and then Sokka starts speaking. 

“So. I love you. You know this.” Sokka’s voice is clear and steady, but his eyes show his nervousness. Zuko feels a stab of regret for asking him to come to the Fire Nation. If he’d just kept his mouth shut, they wouldn’t be in this situation. “But you know I can’t come with you to the Fire Nation. It’s just- it’s just not in the cards for me right now.” Sokka reaches out to hold both his hands in his. Zuko opens his mouth to say something, to tell him  _ it’s okay, you’re fine and it was a dumb idea and I’m sorry and it’s ok I know we weren’t meant to last and- _

“However.” 

_ Wait, what?  _

Zuko’s mouth falls slightly open in surprise. Is he considering still being with him? Sokka takes another deep breath and speaks again. “I want to be with you. I want to hold your hand, and kiss you, and make fun of you for waking up at the crack of dawn, I want to do everything with you.” Tears slip out of Zuko’s eyes. Sokka laughs softly at him, at the mess of emotions written so clearly across his face. “I love you, Zuko,” he says, eyes shining. “And I want to see where we go from here.” 

Zuko clears his throat. “So,” he rasps, “what are you saying, Sokka?” 

The other boy swallows, looking at their clasped hands. “I’m saying that you go back to the Fire Nation. And I write you sappy letters, and I tell you about the village, and you reply with your Zuko Sarcasm and write  _ I love you  _ at the end.” Sokka beams at him. 

“And someday, I’ll visit you. And in front of all your stuffy advisors, I’ll jump into your arms and kiss you.” Zuko’s openly crying now, but also laughing at the image. Sokka laughs along with him, then continues. “And I know we’re young. So we’ll wait, and we’ll be ourselves, and we’ll love each other.” 

Zuko squeezes his hands. “That was quite the speech,  _ jerk.” _

Sokka laughs wetly and kisses him, soft and light in the sunrise. “Only for you, firelight. Only for you.” 

_ And now, breath deep, I’m inhaling _

_ You and I, there’s air in between. _

_ Leave me be, I’m exhaling _

_ You and I, there’s air in between.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> gay people!!! 
> 
> some songs that fit the vibe of this fic - alaska by maggie rogers, boreas by the oh hellos, better now by oh wonder
> 
> find me on tumblr (beepboopbitch) <3 drop a comment and/or kudos if u enjoyed!!


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